Sleeping with a rabid bear...

A picture of me working out last night

So last night I went to work out with a friend after work. We talked about how we got out of shape in our post-college years and how fit and ripped we used to be, and it really got me thinking that Kristi might someday leave me. It's not like I'm anticipating it, but when you gain 50 pounds in a single year you have to wonder what your significant other has to be thinking. Personally, I think it could be her sometimes casually lethargic attitude that attributed to it, along with sitting on my ass in an office all day, along with not working out, and along with eating like Homer Simpson at a chinese buffet. I've really gotten to the point where I think I need to shape up, not just for my body's sake but for the sake of my relationship.

So I joined the gym last night and worked my fat ass to death doing cardio. I drank plenty of water and didn't eat any junk food after. Last night at the poker tournament I was playing in I kept my limit at 2 beers, when usually I end up having about 9. I was doing so incredibly well for my first day back on track. I called Kristi on the way home to tell her the great day i had, but she didn't pick up and I assumed she had gone to bed. I was right.

So I pulled into the car garage around 10:45pm and snuck over to the bedroom. I was expecting my snuggly, charming and beautiful girlfriend to be awaiting me in bed, ready to get close and dream the night away. Instead, when I touched her ever-so-gently on the shoulder she rolled over, in the dark, with an expression similar to this:

That's right..... I was in bed with Large Marge. Or a rabid bear. I couldn't really tell because my eyes were immediately scratched out and by balls were cut off. Well, they might as well have been.

My girlfriend had turned into what I will henceforth refer to as the girlfiend, a creature of mythical proportions that inhabits the souls of unsuspecting young women and causes them to transform their usually pleasant personalities into that of a hungry, angry baby wilderbeast. No one knows the origin of the girlfiend, just that they are extremely dangerous and not well suited to a traditional bedtime environment. I tried to ward off the fiend with a backrub, which sometimes coerces the demon spirit to dissapate, but instead the demon held on strong, and through my vessel of a girlfriend it spoke the words "Walk the fucking dog."

Luckily I was able to escape, and by the time I got back the demon had subsided and Kristi was asleep. However, it's times where I realize that this demon can inhabit Kristi that make me lethargic about my weight. Why should i care if that's what I have to come home to? I was considering cancelling my membership, but this morning she called and apologized for being rude and insensitive. I thought, "dammit, I guess I still have to get in shape." Because I have a strange feeling if I came home fatter I would roll over to find a Great White in bed with me. Get ready gym, HERE I COME!